Self improvement

I’m 44. I am starting to think that I cannot really change my stripes. I have been trying. For a long time now.

Yeah, I had some bad habits that were really getting in my way. Like, risk of death kind of things. I addressed those and they were lifted.

But what about these more banal but still plenty pesky personality traits: inclination to obsess, insecurity, impulse to defend my every bone-headed move, perfectionism. They don’t seem to budge.

It’s marriage. I’ve been with the same person for 14 years now, married for the last 8. If that don’t make a person get to know oneself, I don’t know what will.

You’ve heard of the 80/20 concept? Well, I seem to be 80 percent pain in the ass, 20 percent delightful.

I don’t know if that’s going to change.

But then, things only really change if we really want them to.

It’s getting to the “really want them to change” part that’s hard. Am I willing to go to any lengths to stop being an asshole?

We’ll see. We’re about to have kids. Maybe that will do it.